IS THIS NORMAL?
We all do it. We rush about all day with hardly a moment to stop and think. From the moment we get up, we go go go, until we collapse in a heap in the evening! Then we battle the evening snack attacks, try not to drink too much, just about got the energy to watch some telly, and hope that tomorrow it will all be better. And then we do it all again the next day!
It’s all about getting stuff done, timetables, deadlines, being there for the people who need you, doing your job, running your home, and looking after your family.
But there’s one thing missing here and that is YOU.
WE ARE ACE AT PUTTING OURSELVES LAST
The truth is that we are ace at putting ourselves last, making everyone and everything else our priority, and finding that yet another day has come to the end, and we just didn’t get around to what we needed, for ourselves.
Is this a bad thing? Does it matter? Will it have an impact on your health, energy and vitality?
So, the first thing I want to say is don’t panic, but the truth is that it takes awesome self care to create beautiful health. If we neglect ourselves, if we push ourselves 110%, if we give it all away and keep none for ourselves, it makes sense that at some point, your health will start to be affected.
So what do we mean by self-care? Is it a soak in the bath from time to time? Is it time for yourself? Is it eating better and taking care of your exercise.
THE 3 LEVELS OF SELF-CARE
This is where I would like to introduce you to the 3 levels of self care. In a nutshell they are Basic, Advanced and Super-advanced. And for incredible health and well-being, we need all 3 levels in play.
1 Basic self-care
This is essentially the physical level of self-care. It is about the food you eat, how you look after your sleep, moving and exercising every day, breathing properly, superhydration. This will nurture and nourish the physical container of your body and keep it in gorgeous working order!
2 Advanced self-care
The next level is the advanced level. Here I’m talking about how you handle stress, your relationships and connections and actively attending to your mindset.So these are more emotional and mental areas of self care work. They are less obvious, but just as important.
3 Super advanced self-care
This one might surprise you. This is all about connecting to your desires and actively building a vision for your health and your life. It is about understanding what lights you up. It is about intentionally connecting to your life purpose and living a life that is in line with who you truly are. These are all spiritual qualities and we can all cultivate them. I’m talking about self love, self worth, self respect, self-confidence, self-expression and so on. This is the ultimate layer of self-care.
WHAT GETS IN THE WAY OF ACING YOUR SELF-CARE?
If self-care is so marvellous and good for our health and well-being, why do so many of us struggle in this area? Here are the 5 BIG stumbling blocks that come up time and time again.
I don’t have time to cook/ exercise/ go to bed early/ sit around and do nothing/plan meals/cook from scratch/ go for a walk everyday/spend 20 minutes outside in the daylight…..
I have literally heard all of these. And I get it. Because life is busy, intense, full on and flat out.
And sometimes we really are stuck for time, for having enough hours in the day to attend to our own physical selfcare. BUT, usually there is something else at play. Read on!
2 People pleasing.
You volunteer without thinking. You can’t say no, even when you really don’t want to do something, because it just makes you feel too bad. You say yes when you mean no. So you take the hit. Again and again. Yep,if this is you, you are a people pleaser.
It doesn’t make you a bad person, but if you are going to find the balance in your life, then this is a nut you definitely need to crack. It is hard to say no to people, it is hard to think we might be disappointing someone, But isn’t the truth that by never saying no, by always being willing to help, support, fix, and be there, ultimately you let yourself down.
3 “Put others before yourself” mindset
You value putting others first. You operate from a place of ‘take care of others before you attend to your own needs’. This is one that many of us learn in childhood. And up to a point it is a good thing, but not if it comes at the expense of our own health. Because the truth is, the world is full of people who want and need your time and attention. All the time!! And it is up to us where we draw the boundaries.
This mindset is also closely tied in with another mindset. The I don’t deserve it’ mindset. This is where we struggle to value our own needs, and instead focus on the needs of others. ALL THE TIME!!! Well, let me tell you this: only you have the power to change this one. To choose to believe that you are worth it. You do deserve the time, care and attention to invest in your own health. In fact, if you are ever going to practice advanced or even super advanced selfcare, this mindset of ‘I don’t deserve it’ just has to go!
You can read more about mindsets for succes and growth right here.
You over-commit. You over-give. You over-deliver. You are unrealistic about how long things take, and so you end up fitting too much into your day. Your plate is piled high, your to-do list is longer at the end of the day than it was at the beginning. And you rarely ask for help!!
Planning or rather the lack of it, is a real killer when it comes to self-care. Let’s face it, a spare hour here or there is a luxury and it definitely won’t happen unless you plan self care into your day, and into your life.
5 Asking for help.. Or not!
I can do it all by myself. By the time I’ve asked someone to help me, I could just as easily have done it myself. The kids are too busy to help(even though they are teenagers and perfectly capable). I’m strong and independent, I can do it all myself. Its my nature to go it alone….
But if you are doing it all, then when will you have time for that self-care, self nurture? Hmmm….
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
If you recognise yourself in any of these, then don’t worry- you are not alone. Most of us do these things at some level, and in fact part of starting to actively practice awesome self care is all about recognising where you get in your own way!
So have a think and then answer the following questions truly and honestly:
- At what level do self-care am I most stuck?
- Where do I get in the way of taking care of me?
Pop your answers and any comments in the chat box below. I would love to hear from you!
If you can rock your self-care, your will rock your life!
So I hope you have enjoyed reading this post all about self-care part 1. Look out for part 2 next week where I will be talking about a road map to really up your self-care game.