Because incredible healthy happy energy doesn’t come falling out of the sky as if by magic. WE CREATE IT!
And I know you can do it! I know you want to do it!! So what is getting in your way?
Here is the one mindset that is the biggest obstacle to women having the king of energy, health and happiness that means you are living your life aligned to purpose and on fire.
This is it: “I am not worth it” and “I don’t deserve it”
Woah! Ok so I want to set this out for you, and help you recognise that if you can shift this one mindset, the floodgates to awesome energy creation can open and you will easily step into the kind of life that means you become a lean mean wicked energy creating machine!!
Diagnostics: is this you?
Do you regularly put the needs of others before your own? Do you believe that they need love/care/attention/time/money more than you do?
Do you think ‘it’s selfish’ to do things just for you? Or if you do decide that you need new clothes or new makeup you will only give yourself the bottom of the range stuff, instead of the best?
And do you feel as if you have done something wrong if you do something that is just for you? And then the guilt and shame creep in? And maybe you hide stuff from your partner or friends?
You feel guilty and ashamed to do anything that is just for you. Because you don’t deserve it, do you? Even if it is something you very much need, it’s a huge deal to overcome that inner barrier, that voice that is telling you, ‘you don’t deserve this’ or ‘you are not worthy of this’.
And maybe you’ve been playing the ‘ I don’t deserve it ‘ game for so long that you don’t even know what you want anymore. Maybe you have lost your dreams, your desires, your longings.
And all of this is robbing you of your confidence, your sense of self and your energy.
So you don’t spend:
And if anyone knew all the battles that go on inside your head they would be totally surprised. Because you are always so happy, you seem to have it all going for you. You are the positive person everyone else turns to for advice, support and encouragement.
“But there is always someone else who needs it more than me”
Everyone else gets what they need. They get their slice of the pie: time, money, support, energy, attention, choices etc. And you promise yourself that as soon as everyone has what they need, then it will be your turn.
And then somehow that day rarely comes!!!
How many times have you heard someone say:
- I’ll join the gym once my kids leave home
- I’ll start that course I’ve always wanted to do when my husband retires
- I’ll start my dream business when the mortgage is paid off
- I’ll go on that trip of a lifetime once my grandchildren start school
Because there is always someone or something who ‘needs it more’ than you…
Over time, you get so good at NOT INVESTING IN YOU and putting your needs and desires on the back burner, that eventually you lose touch with what they even are. You no longer really know what you want and so you end up feeling like you have lost yourself somewhere along the way.
But you tell yourself it’s ok, because it’s good to think of others isn’t it? Doesn’t that just make you a kind caring compassionate big-hearted woman? And isn’t that a good thing?
Giving from a full cup
Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not suggesting that you stop giving, contributing and supporting and nurturing others. Far from it! Because one of our core human needs is to contribute, make a difference, be loving, kind, courageous and compassionate.
But what I am saying is this: if you give from a place of feeling depleted yourself – it will deplete you further. It is a false economy to not look after yourself and instead look out for everyone else.
Instead we can learn to think about giving to yourself first so that you can give so much more to everyone else, not burn out and keep on giving, for the rest of your life.
That is the secret. That is the trick.
What it comes down to is ‘fill your own cup first’.
“Am I being selfish?”
The biggest obstacle to making this shift is this question that comes up over and over again: if I support myself, if I invest in myself, my health, my passions, my joy for life, does that make me selfish?
Let me ask you:
Is it selfish to become the very best version of yourself, so that those lucky enough to spend time in your company will be better off?
Is it selfish to create the kind of health and energy for yourself that means you are fully present to the people in your life?
Is it selfish, to show up as the very best version of yourself?
Is it selfish to have the kind of energy levels that mean you can fulfil those projects that will make a difference to so many others?
Is it really indulgent to invest in your health and energy so that you are a 10000 watt light bulb in the world?
Is it greedy to live the life of an inspired woman who shares her vision with the world?
It is shameful to fully step into the superhero you are and inspire the next generation?
So that you can make the difference only you can make in the world.
I could go on all day… but you get the picture.
Bottom line is: especially as women we are discouraged culturally, professionally, in our early life upbringing and often in our personal relationships as well, to take care of our own needs first. Instead we are taught, encouraged and conditioned to put the needs of others before our own.
It makes me cry, because it is a false economy. It is why there is now an epidemic of exhausted burnt-out women, mothers who are just battling to get through the day, workers hanging in there for the paycheck, and a lack of true female leadership when the world is desperate for inspiration, connection and care.
I am a huge advocate for ‘my needs AND your needs’ instead of ‘your needs BUT NOT my needs.’
If you give form to a place of overflowing, then the act of giving and contribution will give you pleasure, energy and more golden balls!!
The world needs you to be fully alive
The truth is that you absolutely deserve it!!
You deserve to be at your very best, to be the superhero we know you are inside.
You deserve growth, love, care, abundance, connection, and all that we need to be fully expressed human beings.
Silencing our needs, but telling ourselves we don’t deserve it, is basically denying your human needs.
Low self worth and telling yourself that you don’t deserve ultra-self-care is truly toxic.
Because it sets you up to basically detach from your own needs. And if you ignore your own needs and desires for long enough, not only do you lose touch with what they even are but you lose yourself.
And when you lose yourself, the world loses out on your magnificence. It affects every area of your life: your relationships, your health, your finances, your creativity, your contribution.
The world is a far better place with you being fully alive, vibrating at a really high frequency and fully contributing all that you are. The world needs people who are fully alive!
Here is what I want for you
Women who do the work of reclaiming their self-worth, self-confidence and self-care, are women who want to shine and share their gifts with the world.
These are women who are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. They are fed up with not having enough energy to get through the day, or having the kind of energy that allows them to really shine, contribute, grow businesses and projects, transform their relationships and inspire the next generation.
They will not go one more day living life in this way. They are ready to rise. They are ready to reclaim the energy, vitality and joy to make their lives better. So they can make the difference only they can make, in this lifetime.
This is what the woman looks like who has reclaimed her energy, vitality and joy and who is no longer guided by that toxic belief of ‘i’m not worth it’. Let me paint you the picture:
She is vibrant, fully alive, inspiring and dynamic. She easily recognises her needs, desires and wants. She knows exactly what she loves, what is important to her and what she wants to create in her life.
She knows how to nurture her health, her relationships, her work and her life. She actively looks for the best way to support herself, so that she can be the fullest, biggest and brightest version of herself. Every single day.
She is all about becoming more of who she really is – so that she can shine her light in the world, without holding back.
And ultimately this is the way she helps and supports others: by shining her own light so brightly that she is an inspiring presence.
She is very clear that meeting her own needs and supporting her health and wellbeing is the best way to give to the world and make a difference. So in fact, it is an act of selflessness, not selfishness.
I know it sounds like a lot, but isn’t that a life worth living? Isn’t that worth getting over the obstacle for? That obstacle that stops so many women giving themselves the help, support and guidance they need to reset and reboot their health energy and their life?